


A Nervous Wreck Most of the Time

by knight_tracer, lady_ragnell



Series: Rebuild When I Break Down [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Audio Format: M4B, Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Multi, Parenthood, Podfic, Podfic Length: 10-20 Minutes, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-06-17 17:12:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15466161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knight_tracer/pseuds/knight_tracer, https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_ragnell/pseuds/lady_ragnell
Summary: Han finds fatherhood and family a little terrifying, but it turns out Lando is happy to help out.





	A Nervous Wreck Most of the Time

**Author's Note:**

> Cover art by reena_jenkins.

**Podfic Length:** 17:43

 **Streaming:** [mp3](http://knight-tracer.parakaproductions.com/Podfic/03%20A%20Nervous%20Wreck%20Most%20of%20the%20Time.mp3)

 **Download Links:** [mp3](http://knight-tracer.parakaproductions.com/Podfic/03%20A%20Nervous%20Wreck%20Most%20of%20the%20Time.mp3) | [m4b](http://knight-tracer.parakaproductions.com/Podfic/03%20A%20Nervous%20Wreck%20Most%20of%20the%20Time.m4b)

Han spends about four seconds beaming down at his son before the terror hits. Nobody should have to be that fragile in a galaxy that's still getting tacked together, and it's Han's job to take care of him and make sure no one messes with him while his mother does the job of rebuilding a republic. That sounded great when it was an abstract baby, but now he's a real one, with fingers and toes and a really fragile skull, and Han is going to drop him.

“I'm going to drop him,” he says out loud, rigid with fear, even though it's probably not the best thing for a father to say when his son is put in his arms for the first time.

Leia, on a bed in the Senate med center, since she stayed on the floor for a vote long after going into labor and couldn't get to the birthing center, makes an outraged noise. “I put a lot of work into that baby, you are not going to drop him.”

Chewbacca, anyway, knows what he means. He's the one who drove the _Falcon_ over when Leia's aide sent Han a message saying the baby was coming because Han couldn't sit still to do it. **Probably not today** , he says, which is way more comforting. **Do I get to hold him now?**

Han thinks about how hard Chewbacca hugs him or hits him sometimes and feels a little queasy. Thus far, fatherhood is kind of a shock, and not the nice kind. “No, I'm not done yet.” He looks back at his kid. Those words are still a jolt to think, but he's going to get used to them fast, because Leia is still going faster than light trying to build a government, and smuggling is no longer an option for him, at least not right now, so fatherhood it is. “Hey there, Ben. Nice to meet you, kid.”

“Would you two just come over here?” Leia asks, exasperated. Han decides that he's really not going to do anything to make her mad at him when she just had his child, so he goes, trying to keep Ben steady as he does. Chewbacca laughs at him, but Chewbacca isn't the one holding a tiny kid who could break into a million pieces of Han touched him wrong, so he doesn't get to have an opinion.

When Han gets there, Leia tugs his arm until he sits down on the side of her bed, and then they're both looking down at Ben Organa Solo. Han thought he should have Leia's name, because there's not much legacy behind his and there's plenty behind hers, left on Alderaan or what remains of it. Leia argued that Ben should have a chance to be something besides a Senator's son, and that maybe it's time for the Solo name to get its own legacy. Han didn't have the heart to tell her that even he hasn't had that name for long. But this kid, maybe he'll grow up and do something great with it, take after one of his parents or go off and do something of his own.

Or maybe he'll grow up and decide to grow flowers on the coast of Naboo. Han thinks probably part of fatherhood is not caring, and a son who grows flowers sounds a little less stressful than some other options.

Luke, of course, picks right them to come flying through the door, out of breath and home early from a mission he was supposed to be on right up until the due date. Probably he sensed Leia was in labor through their connection in the Force or something. Han has no idea how that works. “Where is he?” Luke asks, like it isn't obvious. “Can I meet him?”

With Luke so obviously nervous, it's a little easier for Han to get over his fear. “Sure, kid, come on over and meet your nephew,” he says, and enjoys the way the word “nephew” makes Luke look just as terrified as Han felt a few seconds ago.

*

Lando shows up two days later, when the family has moved home and Leia is already itching to get back to work, with a ship packed full with gifts and a whole lot of stories about how he's being treated now that he's a hero. “But I'm still hoping to get elected to the senate so I can spend some time with you, princess,” he assures Leia with a kiss to her hand, and Han tries not to scowl when that actually mollifies her.

“Well, while you're waiting to be elected, you can help Han with Ben,” says Leia, and Han takes that as his cue to bring Ben over. Two days into his life, he's mostly sleeping and crying and eating, but Han loves him helplessly already, and knows he's going to be spoiled because when Leia and Han aren't holding him, Luke or Chewbacca are.

“How long exactly do you think I'm sticking around?”

“As long as it takes for you to trick my ship out of me, probably,” says Han, and kind of enjoys the twin venomous looks he gets for that. If Lando and Leia don't want him to get baited, they should stop flirting. He's allowed to be obnoxious if he's being left out, he's pretty sure there are rules about that kind of thing. “Hey, Lando. Meet my son.”

Lando looks at him, sizes him up like he's a gang boss he's thinking of taking on. “He's a looker,” he finally pronounces. “Must take after his mother.”

Leia laughs, and Han tells him he's lucky that he's holding a baby and can't give him the thrashing he deserves, and Lando produces the first of dozens of toys that he's brought for Ben, and just like that, everything is normal, like Lando is part of the family.

*

That night, Luke and Leia are with Ben, having some time with their side of the family, and Han pours a pair of glasses of something toxic and takes them out to Lando on the balcony that's part of their plush senatorial apartment. He's still not used to that, after more than a decade of sleeping on his ship because he didn't trust anywhere else.

From the way Lando is lounging, either he's a lot more comfortable with being out in the opening, or he's faking it. “Got kicked out of your own living room?” he asks, taking a glass from Han and toasting him with it briefly before he takes a sip. “Seems like it's the life here for a retired smuggler.”

“You'd know what that looks like.” Lando rolls his eyes and Han shrugs. “Sure, I'm not worrying about Jabba anymore, or the Emperor, even if there are still loyal factions and Luke is always running off to deal with them. But I've got a kid to worry about now.”

Lando grunts. “Ben, huh? Leia told me about Ben Kenobi. That's a lot to saddle a kid with.”

“Organa and Solo aren't?”

“Well, Organa is.”

“Very funny, Lando.” Han thinks about it, about the arguments he and Leia had about honoring the dead and not wanting to put pressure on the kid, and about how Ben was a compromise they could live with, since it at least wasn't Obi-Wan. “Leia and Luke are pretty sure Ben's going to be strong in the Force. I mean, they say babies tend to be more connected, whatever that means, but he's Leia's kid, so the chances of him having plenty of ability are high.”

“Do you really care?”

“No. He's my kid. And from what I can tell the Force isn't fun and games. I don't want him to be the next big hope of the galaxy or anything. That's hard enough on Luke.”

Lando shrugs. “Not like Leia's lining up to the be the next Jedi.”

“She's got a galaxy to run.”

“So maybe the Force doesn't mean he's stuck doing something with it. He's just a couple days old, Han, give the kid some options.”

“I'm giving him plenty of options!” Han considers that for a few sips, staring out at the scenery. He's not used to scenery either. “As long as he doesn't get involved with the Hutts.”

Lando snorts. “Well, you've got to have standards. It's a good thing you have me around, the kid needs someone fun around.”

“I'm fun,” Han says, offended, and Lando just laughs at him.

*

Lando sticks around while Han and Leia try to figure out how to be parents. He's up as often as either of them is in the night, bouncing Ben as he tries to figure out how to be a person and telling him stories that are vicious lies and has to be set straight just in case Ben can understand him. He was around on and off after Endor, in and out of Han and Leia's bed on the more celebratory nights, but now he stays.

“Don't you have anywhere to be?” Han asks two weeks in, when even Luke, who's shaping up into a doting uncle, has admitted that he should get back to putting the galaxy together and gotten a ride away with Chewbacca piloting the _Falcon_ , which doesn't rankle at all.

“Han, shut up,” says Leia, who's probably smarter than he is, since Lando is currently changing Ben's diaper and Han probably shouldn't be pissing him off.

Lando just tickles Ben, who looks kind of dubious about it, but he looks dubious about most things and then either falls asleep or starts crying, so maybe he's just a dubious person. Definitely his mother's son. “Cloud City likes staying out of the eye of any off-planet government at all, they decided. And if their administrator is a famous war hero with the people starting the New Republic ...”

Leia gets it first, just because Han is used to Lando always landing on his feet. “Oh, Lando. I'm sorry.”

Han has no idea what to say, even though Leia is looking at him like he probably should. “So that's why we're putting you up in style.”

“You're putting me up in style because I'm changing your kid's diaper.” Lando finishes with a flourish and Ben decides on the falling asleep option instead of the crying option. Thank the Force. Han is going to be deaf by the time Ben is two at this rate. “It was getting boring there anyway. I need a new job. Minister of Trade or something. Plenty of time to snare everybody's favorite Senator away from her layabout husband.”

“Minister of Trade? When you're such a good nanny?” Han asks, and Leia rolls her eyes at him, but she also doesn't disagree. Lando is really good with the baby, and they all know it.

Lando sits down, Ben cradled in his arms like he was born to do it. “I'd be offended, but taking care of the kid of two of the most famous people in the galaxy while he figures out how to use the Force is a pretty good use of my skills.”

“We'll find something for you to do,” Leia says, bending forward to make sure Ben is sleeping soundly. “Especially if you're going to keep taking shifts taking care of Ben.”

“Just try to get rid of me,” says Lando, and there's some thinking to do about that, probably.

Han will do it sometime, when he can bring himself to.

*

Lando starts spending nights in their room. At first, it's so they have an easier time figuring out who's getting up to take care of Ben when he starts crying. Later, well, Leia isn't too interested in having sex only a few weeks after having a baby, but Han and Lando are, and she seems happy to watch.

“You don't mind him being around, right?” Han asks one evening when Lando and Chewie have gone out to get drunk and he and Ben and Leia are together as a family. It feels a little lonely, and he hates that it feels a little lonely. Leia and Ben are already more than he could ask for.

Leia raises her eyebrows at him. “Why, do you?”

“No. I just wanted to check, I guess. This is kind of different than him being around for a celebratory night or two.”

“It's good for us.” Leia hands him the baby and gets up to pace. Sometimes she thinks better moving. “And if he sticks around, it could keep being good for us, and for Ben too. We're busy people, and Luke and Chewie are busy, and Lando will be too, but if he's always around, then between the three of us ...”

“I don't know if we can count on him sticking around,” Han warns. Lando Calrissian doesn't stick. He stays until somewhere is too hot to hold him, and then he gets out. The only things Han knows for sure he loves are the _Falcon_ and its nav computer, and that's still a sore subject.

Leia nods, thinking about that, and Han bounces Ben a few times. He doesn't even cry. Maybe Han is getting the hang of this fatherhood thing. He hopes he is. Leia has a lot she needs to do, and Han has less. Even if Lando leaves, he should be able to take care of Ben. Still, it would be nice to have the extra help. “We could just ask him,” she finally says.

“It can't be that easy.” He and Leia have never been that easy, and he and Lando have sure never been that easy. But hell, maybe the three of them can figure it out.

“Maybe it can't. But we'll never know unless we ask.”

“Optimism,” Han says, disgusted, but they both know that he'll think about it.

*

Lando keeps staying while Luke darts in and out, while Chewie pilots the _Falcon_ for Luke on a few missions where an Alliance ship would get too much attention. Han keeps staying too, and sometimes that surprises him, even though he doesn't want to be anywhere else. Sometimes the temptation to pick up and go is worst when things are going right, but he doesn't itch to be leaving Leia and Ben and Lando and the life they're building, even after Leia goes back to the Senate.

“Never thought I'd see the day Han Solo settled down with a family,” Lando says one day when it's just the three of them, him and Han and Ben, with Leia off yelling at someone about the collapse of public programs during the transition.

“I'd be careful who you're saying that about, since it looks like you're doing the same thing.”

Lando waves a dismissive hand. “I've already been the administrator of Cloud City, I've proved I can settle down. Not my fault they decided I wasn't what they were looking for.”

“So now you're settling down somewhere else?”

“Where do you think? You think I'm getting up in the middle of the night with a crying baby for my health?”

It seems unfair that they're talking about it without Leia there, but Han and Lando have plenty to settle between them. Maybe it's not a bad thing. “I don't know. Maybe you're just waiting for something better.”

“You think I'm going to do better than a princess? If I have to take you and a kid along with it ...”

Han scowls even though he knows he's being baited. “Hey, nobody talks about my son like that.”

“Han.” Lando looks from Ben, asleep in the crook of Han's arm, and up to Han's face. “I don't know whether it's going to work out. But I'm here for now.”

Something tells Han that questioning that is just going to piss Lando off, and he thinks he believes him anyway. There aren't any promises, no way of knowing if this is right, but Han would miss him if he went. They all would, and he'd worry a little about Ben, with one reliable but busy parent and one unreliable one. Two unreliable ones and the unreliable but busy one might work out a little better, especially with Luke and Chewie around too. “Fine, fine, you're around. I'll make extra space in the closet for all your clothes.”

“I didn't know you knew where the closet was, considering you only wear one thing.”

“Yeah, and how many of your stupid capes has Ben ruined now?”

It's easy to fall into the rhythm of bickering, but there's some warmth in it now that Han doesn't think he's imagining.

*

Leia gets back from the Senate that night and spends twenty minutes pacing and detailing the many idiocies of her co-workers before she deems herself calm enough to hold Ben and ask them how their day was.

Han doesn't tell her they talked about it, and Lando doesn't either, but she figures it out, from how smug she starts looking before the evening is over. Leia likes it when her ideas work out. In all fairness, Han usually likes it when her ideas work out too. They're pretty often in his favor.

In bed that night, once Ben finally gets to sleep, Leia looks between them, still smug. “We're going to have to get another bed if you're sticking around,” she says, raising her eyebrows at Lando.

“Sure, bed shopping, we'll put it on the list,” says Lando, and he may be trying to sound casual but Han can see through him even in the dark.

He thinks about mentioning it, but Leia's sharp elbow finds his ribs and he decides to keep the peace. They're all tired, nodding off, a mess of limbs on the bed that really wasn't made for three but which is still way bigger than the ship and army bunks Han's been dealing with for years now. Ben is making little sleepy noises through the monitor by the bed, and Han is on the edge of it closest to the door so he's probably going to be the first to get up when he wakes up, but he doesn't mind that either. The three of them are going to be fine at this parenting thing, and maybe even at this marriage thing.

Turns out settling down isn't as terrifying as it seemed after all.


End file.
